Gray days and winter storms

Today in Seattle, it is a vey gray day. Even at 10am the street lights are on in some neighborhoods, and my car automatically turned on the nighttime driving lights when I went out. The day is a reflection of my state of mind. No matter what I look at or think about with my photographic process, the world seems to be awash in gray.

I have been stuck for months now trying to find something that can spark a sense of inspiration to create something…anything…anything at all. I have gotten a lot of advice about how to move forward when you are blocked. It all is basically the same thing for the most part–You just have to shoot through it. Keep shooting anything no matter what and you will find your path again. Or, remember that your inspiration comes when you are doing something else like taking a shower or walking the dog. While I agree with that advice, it doesn’t seem to help me enough to have me pick pick up a camera. It is not a block of how or what to shoot but more about the why shoot. Do I even have a story worth telling?

Most days it seems like the right solution is to sell off everything and move on to something new, but even that has me in a state of gray. Not knowing what to move onto and not knowing how to move backwards to find what has been lost. I have created something inside me that is more than a creative block. I can’t even see creation. I am stuck. Lori over at CollectiveSelf says that it is normal to be stuck and that much like the seasons we have sunny days, winter storms and rejuvenation in the spring. If that is the case,  I am a winter storm.

Maybe this in time will pass, maybe this the process that I am going through to find my story, find something that matters. Maybe it is in response to a sense of unconnectedness not just to my work but to the world around me. A voice that sits quietly with what matters that I can no longer hear over the rush of the wind I have created. Well at least I am creating a loud distracting wind.

November 15, 2010

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